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Tomorrow…

Tomorrow is Darwin Day, the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin’s (and Abraham Lincoln’s) birth.  It’s Fern’s fifth birthday.  It should be so exciting, it should be such a big deal.  But I can only think of it as the one-month anniversary of The Day Hope Died.

I’m getting back into the rhythm of things.  I’m starting to feel less adrift in class (although I still feel like an interloper in “their” class, rather than a participant).  I’ve gotten through a busy first half of the week.  And yet…this.  I tell myself that it’s getting better, but I think the reality is that I’m just further away from it all.  There’s nothing odd in not running into Floyd or Karl in my daily life.  So it’s easy to pretend that they’re just not there right now.  As long as I can distract myself, I’m fine.  But I can’t always distract myself.

I gave the first exam in my class today.  Between handing out the exams and getting the first one back was an eternity – an block of time with nothing to distract me.  No one to talk to.  No buzz of conversation.  No one moving around.  Just sitting there with nothing to distract me.  Why are you so petrified of silence? Because once the distractions fade, you start to think.

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